This is how we do it: ‘We live in a tiny flat with our kids, so we have sex in the woods at night’

Anook, 31

I’d had orgasms with previous partners, but I’d never tried to give myself one – I felt too ashamed

When I met David three years ago, my marriage was breaking down and I’d just had a baby. It was a very low moment. My husband was a shut-down, cold man. Part of what finally motivated me to leave was he seemed incapable of caring for me, or even really talking to me after our daughter was born.

What first struck me about David was his warmth. He is a father and had also been through a difficult separation, so could understand what I was experiencing. David is very funny and free-spirited. What I love most about him is his spontaneity. His brain is wired in a completely different way to mine. I can be quite rigid, but he encourages me to loosen up. He makes me feel interesting, which I’d never felt in my marriage.

I was unhappy in my body after having a child – but David really built my confidence up. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I didn’t even really know much about my own anatomy before I met him. I’d had orgasms with previous partners, but I’d never tried to give myself one – I’d always felt too ashamed. In my previous relationships, after the initial excitement had worn off, I would stop being able to climax, but felt too shy to ever tell any of my partners. I convinced myself that sex didn’t really matter in a relationship – and that I could do without it.

When David found out I’d never used a sex toy, he gently encouraged me to buy a few. Now we have quite a collection, and use them together. We live with my young child and his two teenagers in a small flat, so sex can be tricky, logistically. But David has come up with some inventive solutions. We live in the countryside, so sometimes we drive the car down the lane to a wooded area and have sex on the back seats. Sometimes we even have sex on the ground in the actual wood. There’s more space that way.

David is so comfortable in his own skin and that makes sex fun and joyful. If you had told me three years ago I would feel this free, I would never have believed you.

David, 38

Anook had never used a vibrator before we met and now we have an enormous box of toys that we hide under our bed

I remember the first time I saw Anook, in the car park at work. I was stopped dead in my tracks by the look on her face. She was beautiful, of course, but she looked so lost. I had just gone through a terrible divorce, so I recognised something of what I was feeling in her expression. We started talking and I invited her for a coffee. I immediately felt close to her.

The sex has always been very loving between us, but when we first got together, Anook was really lacking in confidence. I think she felt sex was dirty or wrong. I would tell her how stunning she is and she wouldn’t believe me. So I’d spend a lot of time reassuring her that sex isn’t bad, it’s fun and she should enjoy it.

She’s come out of her shell a lot. I’m a speaker in sex. I don’t claim to be any kind of Adonis, but I can do a pretty good job with my words. So we set the mood that way, and then we also use sex toys. Anook had never used a vibrator before we met but now we have an enormous box of toys that we hide under our bed.

Sometimes when we’re hanging out with friends, and sex comes up in conversation, I see Anook’s eyes completely light up and I think about how much she has changed. She used to be so shy that she’d look at the floor at any mention of the subject. She’s helped my confidence a lot, too. I was broken when I met her, but now I’m loud and boisterous. She has built me up so much.

We’ve actually transferred some of our toys to the back of my car, so we can drive out to the woods and have a bit of time away from the children now and then. We live in a tiny flat with our kids, and it’s very difficult to find an opportunity to really let our hair down. Outside at night when there’s no one around, we get to make a bit of noise.