2 hours ago
3
Rose, 52
The connection was instant – when we first held hands, an electric current ran between us – but Jim was married
I’d been single for 15 years when a mutual friend introduced me to Jim six years ago. By then, I’d almost given up on love; I’d tried dating apps, clubs, hobbies and travelling, but none of it worked. Our connection was instant – when we first held hands, an electric current ran between us. But Jim was married, which meant we couldn’t be together right away. I told myself his marriage had been over for a while and that this kind of chemistry is rare. The wait was painful, but in 2024 we finally moved in together.
In the years living apart, I would go to Jim’s record shop a couple of nights a week, where we’d lock the door and have sex on the floor, knowing we only had about 45 minutes before he’d have to go home. We were like teenagers – we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and sent more than 25,000 messages in those first six months.
I typically orgasm six to 10 times – a rare side-effect of my hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome – but after menopause, that dropped to two or three, with each being less intense. Although I still enjoyed sex, I was frustrated my body wasn’t responding in the same way. After starting on testosterone recently, the frequency and intensity of my orgasms have been restored and it’s given me confidence to explore more in the bedroom.
Jim is a night owl and I’m not, so we rarely have sex before bed. Instead, we schedule it about twice a week. We’ll look at the calendar and say, let’s make Wednesday our date day, and we both know what that means. Usually, we’ll have breakfast and a bath, then sex in the afternoon.
There’s nothing overly kinky about our sex, but I like to wear nice lingerie, stockings and heels. Jim makes me feel sexy – he tells me he loves my body, squeezes my bum or just looks at me and says, “You’re really hot.” Jim loves lacy knickers so sometimes I’ll pull my trousers down and wiggle my bum at him. Now we no longer have to sneak around, we’re more playful. But I feel closest to Jim when we’re snuggled up on the sofa. It was worth waiting until my mid-40s to find him.
Jim, 53
We’ll tease each other from the moment we wake up, but I wait for Rose to initiate
I’d been with my wife for 26 years when I met Rose, but we were living completely separate lives and not having sex. I felt guilty, of course, but I compartmentalised it and my long commute kept the two worlds apart.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t suppress my feelings for Rose. Three weeks after we met, she left to travel around south-east Asia for five months. We messaged constantly, spoke a couple of times a week and she sent naughty photos. We did discuss ending things, because I was married and it was complicated, but that idea didn’t last long once she got back.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Moving in together has made sex more comfortable – there’s no need to rough it on the floor any more! At home, we’ve been able to take our time, explore and introduce toys, although I do sometimes miss having sex on the office desk.
I have a high sex drive, so when menopause affected Rose’s enjoyment, she would send me off to B&Q and encourage me to do DIY if she wasn’t feeling up to it. We usually schedule sex by planning date days where we’ll tease each other from the moment we wake up, but I wait for Rose to initiate – I want to know she’s feeling good.
We set our alarm 15 minutes early every morning just to lie there and hold each other before starting the day. I feel closest to Rose in those moments. I never liked cuddling before meeting her, but whether we’re holding hands or I’m rubbing her legs, we’re always touching.
Rose’s single years mean she’s more experienced than me, so I sometimes worry I’m not good enough for her sexually. But I’ve learned a lot in the time we’ve been together and I’m reassured by her incredible ability to orgasm multiple times, which still blows my mind. It’s a huge turn-on to know that she’s really enjoying sex.
English (US)